“Hi. My name’s Louise, and I’m a person with CFS / ME”.
One of the most important and necessary steps in moving forward with anything in our lives is acceptance. This is no different with CFS / ME.
Until we accept and acknowledge the existence of something, we cannot take effective action on it or move forward in any way.
This is the reason that the first thing an alcoholic says when they stand up to share at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is – “Hi, my name is …. and I’m an alcoholic”. It’s not to shame the person.
It is acknowledging that they are no longer resisting the reality of the situation. They are no longer resisting the fact that they are an alcoholic.
Accepting Our Current Illness State
So, when we have CFS / ME, it is a similar situation. Until we accept the reality of the situation – the fact that we have an illness called CFS / ME and that that has certain symptoms that effect our lives in a certain way – we cannot move forward.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “What we resist persists”. Well, this is the case with CFS / ME and its ramifications for our lives.
The longer we resist the diagnosis and the physical restrictions that are currently the case, the less power we have. We have little chance of managing our illness effectively or moving forward to better health.
There are a number of myths about the word acceptance, and I believe this is often why we resist actually doing it – accepting our illness.
I was very much caught up in these myths for the first few years of my illness.
Myth #1: Acceptance means giving up.
In the first few years of my life with CFS, I was determined not to accept the illness and the physical limitations it was putting on my life.
Initially I completely denied the diagnosis and wouldn’t believe I even had the illness. I knew I had something but I wasn’t bed-ridden, so I couldn’t see how I could possibly have CFS.
Later I accepted the diagnosis, but I resisted the impact that had on my life and thought that by accepting it would mean my whole world would crumble – because it would mean I’d given up.
Not so!
When I finally accepted my situation – the illness I had and what impact that was having on my life – my health finally started to improve.
Myth #2: Acceptance is accepting defeat
I had confused acceptance with giving up. And to me, I interpreted giving up as acknowledging defeat. In my life, to that point I hadn’t experienced much defeat and I’d been conditioned by my society to believe that defeat/losing was a very bad thing. Louise didn’t do losing! Or not very well anyway!
But acceptance is not giving up and it is not accepting defeat. It is merely accepting exactly what’s so.
“What’s so” is simply accepting things exactly as they are and exactly as they are not, right as this moment in time.
It’s not that we’re accepting that it will be this way forever. It’s not that we’re accepting that we’re happy about the situation. And it’s not accepting that it’s right or fair or fun. It’s just saying “at this moment, I have physical symptoms of an illness that my doctor calls CFS / ME / CFIDS” or “at this moment I am exhausted and I need to rest”.
That’s all. It is NOT giving up! It’s giving you a powerful place from which to stand – a solid foundation from which to take the next step!
Myth #3: Surrendering is a bad thing
Acceptance is a form of surrender, but this type of surrendering is very different to giving up or accepting defeat.
Surrendering to CFS / ME or any illness is merely allowing what is so, and allowing that to be. Not judging it, not trying to change it, just – for the moment – allowing that that’s “What’s so”.
When we surrender to our circumstances, we do not give up trying to find effective treatments for our symptoms or illness. We just stop fighting what’s so.
In war, when a white flag is waved it indicates surrender on the part of the person waving the white flag. It tells the opposing side – their enemy – that they no longer wish to fight.
It is not an easy decision for the person or group to wave the white flag, but they are choosing to do so in order to: 1. Stop the fighting; and 2. Stop the other side trying to kill them.
In the process of waving the white flag, the person or team may feel defeated and that they have given up. But the alternative is to keep on fighting a losing battle, almost definitely assuring their death.
By surrendering, the white-flag waver gives themselves and their team at least a chance of survival – a chance at life, and a chance to find peace.
Waving the white flag is the wisest choice in that particular moment.
This, too, is the case with CFS. In accepting our illness, or merely accepting certain symptoms of a relapse, and the impact they are having on our lives, we are choosing to stop fighting against ourselves.
We are choosing to stop an internal battle that we cannot win (resisting the fact we have a severe physical illness), and, in making that choice, we give our bodies and minds a chance to find peace – to find answers, to find treatments, to accept help.
It Is As It Is
This illness you have may not be what you want. It may not be what you think you deserve. It may not be fair but, it is as it is. Right at this moment, you have an illness or you have pain. You have the symptoms that you have, you have the life that you have, and in this moment you have a choice.
You can either keep resisting CFS and all its symptoms, deny it and fight against it, or you can accept that, in this moment, it is as it is.
It is as it is right now, not how it was yesterday and not how it’s possibly going to be tomorrow, but right at this moment, life is as it is.
Accepting that from a peaceful standpoint, and not adding any meaning to it, can be incredibly empowering.
For now, I’ll leave you to ponder that.
In Day 2 of my 31 Days To A Better CFS Life, I will go further into how we can accept what’s so – It Is As It Is – and how we can use that as a powerful platform from which to move forward.
Today’s Action Step
Consider how you have been interpreting the word “acceptance”. Can you feel any resistance to the idea of accepting your current state of health? Where in your body do you feel that resistance? Notice where that is, and for 10 minutes sit or lay with your back supported and breathe into that area of your body (ie focus on that area as you breathe deeply in and out). Notice the thoughts that come up but don’t entertain them. Just notice them and keep breathing into the area of the body that is feeling tight or uncomfortable. After 10 minutes, think about accepting your current situation and notice whether there is any change. This exercise can be repeated. (A short version of an exercise promoted by Mario Martinez – biocognitive psychologist).
Bis Morgen (German for Until Tomorrow!)
Keep Smiling
Louise
P.S. Please feel free to comment below or hit me up on Twitter – @GetUpNGoGuru – or Facebook – Facebook.com/GetUpAndGoGuru
Related Posts
Day 2: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – It Is As It Is. Choose It!
Day 3: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 5 Ways To Control Our Thoughts When In Overwhelm & Despair
Day 4: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 6 Things You Can ALWAYS Do Despite CFS / ME
Day 5: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 7 Ways To Focus Your Thoughts On Something Uplifting
Day 6: 31 Day To A Better CFS Life – Being Present – 7 Simple Mindfulness Techniques To Help Manage CFS
Day 7: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Learning To Ask For Help – 5 Simple Tasks You Can ‘Outsource’ To Help Manage CFS
Day 8: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Discover Podcasts – 5 Steps To Finding & Listening To Good Podcasts
Day 9: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Listen To Your Body. I Am Today!
Day 10: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 10 Ways To Nurture Yourself & Fill Your Bucket
Day 11: 31 Day To A Better CFS Life – 5 Ways To Combat Spoonie Mother Guilt on Mother’s Day!
Day 12: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – My 5 Fave Ways To Connect With The Online CFS / ME Community
Day 13: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – How & Why Audiobooks Are A Great Illness-Management Tool
Day 14: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life -10 Top Audiobooks I Recommend
Day 15: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life: 5 Tips For Getting Tasks Done When You Have CFS / ME
Day 16: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – What Are You Struggling With Most Right Now?
Day 17: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life: What Are You Doing WELL In Managing CFS / ME / Fibro? What Are You NOT Struggling With?
Day 18: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 3 Things I Struggle With At The Moment & How I Manage Them
Day 19: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 101 Ways I Manage CFS / ME & Electrosensitivity Pain
Day 20: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 5 Benefits Of Writing To Help Manage CFS / ME
Day 21: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Gratitude is Healing – 5 Ways To Practise Gratitude
Day 22: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – A Letter To Partners Of People With CFS / ME
Day 23: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – 7 Healthy, Safe Ways To Release Emotions
Day 24: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Letter To The General Public From Those With CFS / ME / FM – Part 1
Day 25: 31 Days To A Better CFS Life – Letter To The General Public Pt 2 – How You Can Support Someone Who Has CFS / ME / FM
Liz says
I so needed to read this right now, thanks.
Louise Bibby says
So sorry about the late reply Liz. I’m really glad that this blog post found you at just the right time. I find that’s often how the Universe works. I’d love to hear more about why it was so poignant for you if you’d like to share.
All the best & thanks for commenting
Keep Smiling
Louise