The concept of ‘getting better’
When we are sick, we often say we want to ‘get better’ or others say ‘I hope you get better soon’.
Recently I was pondering this phrase – yes, I have weird ponderings at times! What does it mean to “get better”?
In the phrases above, ‘getting better’ is referring to getting well. People alternate the phrases ‘get well soon’ and ‘get better soon’.
When a person has CFS / ME, we naturally want to get better/get well.
For a number of reasons, over the years I have changed my language around this, and now I usually say “I want to be healthy” or “I want total health”.
Did your Mum ever say to you when you were three and refused to take some nasty tasting medicine, “don’t you want to get better?”, or “well, if you want to get better you’ll take it”.
I know I’ve heard those phrases and subsequently have said them to my own child in exasperation.
But ultimately I realized, my whole life, including blog, revolves around the concept of ‘getting better’.
What is better?
The various dictionaries I consulted came up with these following definitions relevant to our discussion:
1. Adj. (comparative of good) Of superior quality or excellence… 2. In a superior degree. 3. In better circumstances 4. Improve; increase the good qualities (The Macquarie Dictionary 1992)
1. Adj.; Having all or the appropriate qualities in a higher degree 2. Improve; improve upon, surpass. Better oneself; get better (situation) – (Pocket Oxford Dictionary of current English, 1964)
“To improve, improve upon, surpass”.
I think each day of my life, whether with regard to illness or otherwise, this has been my aim.
To better myself, to improve upon myself, to expand my knowledge and awareness such that I am always growing and developing. That, I think, has been my lifelong aim.
CFS/ME and the even more obstinate electrosensitivity has proved to be a great challenge to my aim of “getting better” daily.
With a ‘normal’, acute illness such as a cold or flu, there is a natural expectation that over a period of days or weeks, you will get better each day, or at least within a week.
Living with an illness that often doesn’t seem to get better or improve from day to day, week to week, or even year to year, (and often gets worse) seems to go against the order of things.
I fought this for a very long time.
I fought accepting that I often wouldn’t be better physically day to day, week to week, and even year to year. It goes against my very nature – my ever optimistic view of life.
But in this process of finally accepting each day, week, month, year for what it was, rather than arguing the point with myself, my health did seem to improve – especially my mental health and frame of mind.
And I guess that’s where I’m getting to with this blog post.
A different view of “getting better”
To ‘get better’, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean our physical symptoms change.
It’s great if they do, but I’ve found out that it’s possible to still ‘get better’ or improve each day even if, physically, my health is the same as it was yesterday.
“So do you think you’re getting better?”
I have often been asked this question by a friend, family member or acquaintance. I see the hope and expectation in their eyes as they ask it.
And being someone who likes to please and give people what they want, I’ve often answered in the affirmative.
“Yes, I think I’m definitely better than I was a year ago.”
I used to resent answering that way (people who train themselves as ‘pleasers’ often find they resent other people for ‘making them’ give them what they want ‘against their will’, but that’s a story for another day – and something I’m working on improving.)
I don’t resent it anymore. I still find it hard to answer, but I’ve found a way to get around it.
I say things like, “I’m definitely managing the symptoms better these days” or “I’m coping with the symptoms better.”
Depending on my current situation I add “I’m not sure that physically my symptoms are any different, but I’ve learned to live with them and still enjoy my life.”
The point of this blog
What I’m getting at with this post is that no matter what our physical state is, we can always be ‘getting better’ or improving in some way.
Whether it’s in learning to change the context around your illness state, creating a new perspective, finding tools to manage your symptoms or calm your mind…we can be getting better every day.
Something I’m often wrestling with mentally, but that I think I’ve got a lot better at is accepting what is so in this moment, and making the best of that.
I write this as I lay in bed recovering from a traditional migraine (triggered by an exuberant masseur).
I deal with EMR headaches that are variants on migraines every day (a naturopath who did her masters in migraines assures me they fit description, so I’m going with her on that), but this different pain has made it difficult to lift my head this weekend.
It wasn’t how I’d planned my child-free weekend.
But us spoonies, we are also always ‘getting better’ at adapting to our circumstances – like a yacht changing tack with the wind.
Something I am also ‘getting better’ at (albeit slower than most) is being patient.
I chuckle to myself even as I write this because it is truly something my ambitious, Type A, Capricorn nature finds incredibly challenging.
Sometimes I think my body gives me migraines like I’ve had this weekend in order to slow me down and force me to be patient.
“We’re getting better all the time. Better, better, better…getting so much better all the time” – The Beatles
Like so many things in life. The Beatles summed it up in a song.
In 21 years of Electrosensitivity head, ear and face pain, the symptoms have not changed – and are worse because I expose myself to EMR frequently (glutton for punishment – aka choosing to live my life rather than cower in fear!).
But in both regards – CFS / ME and Electrosensitivity – my quality of life is way better than it once was.
I’ve learned ways to ‘get better’ by changing the way I think about my illness state.
I’m also constantly working on developing myself as a human being through personal development courses, books, audiobooks, spirituality and so on.
So every day, as a human being, I feel I’m ‘getting better’.
That’s always my aim anyway.
I never want to become stagnant. I never want to stop learning and growing. And I want to inspire others with CFS / ME etc. to approach life in a similar way.
We may not always be able to heal ourselves on a physical level, but there’s much we can do on a psychological level to see our health challenges in a different way.
Notice how I often avoid say “my CFS / ME” and refer to my health condition or health challenges.
That’s a conscious attempt on my part to distance myself from an illness identity or victim mentality.
It may not fit for you, but it’s something I find empowering.
All in all I’ve got better in many ways due to CFS / ME / Electrosensitivity
– being more empathic to others
– being more patient
– appreciating what I have (see my #365Gratefuls #Spoonie project on Instagram or Twitter)
– learning acceptance
– becoming more patience
– learning to be still & enjoy silence
The list could go on a lot longer too, but I won’t bore you! 🙂
Oh, but the one major area where I’ve “got better” due to CFS / ME / Electrosensitivity has been in relation to finding my purpose and stepping through my fears – by starting this website, podcast and even doing videos on YouTube!! 🙂
Today’s Action Step
Look at your journey with CFS / ME / FM or other spoonie illness and see where you have ‘got better’. It may be physically, which is great. But I encourage you to look at the other things you’ve got better at – patience, acceptance, resilience, being creative, dropping the pleaser act, learning to be more ‘selfish’ etc.
We’re all ‘getting better’ all the time with the lessons illness teaches us. We sometimes just don’t see it that way.
Today I encourage you to take a few moments and do so. Then celebrate your achievements.
Keep Smiling
Louise 🙂
Lisa Casey says
Thank you for this article. I can definitely relate and appreciate all you have written.
Louise Bibby says
Thanks Lisa. I’m so glad you got value out of this post. I appreciate your feedback and hope you can find some other posts on the site that are of value to you too.
Keep Smiling
Louise 🙂